Highest Point

The highest point of the day finally came,
All the four were barely sane,
The past became present, the present was gone,
They danced in merry; The Bygones!
The kids came to play as inhibitions were at bay,
Like experienced campaigners we needed no foreplay,
We bounced in mirth through highs and lows,
Reminiscing about all the seeds we sowed!
Pink was the official colour of the night,
We were slaves to it's powerful might,
The dark side of the moon made us comfortably numb,
As the division bell echoed in our deepest ear drum!
It was time then for round 2,
and we felt bound to,
So the carpenter began his work with diligence,
as we looked upon with delinquent innocence.
The baton was ready and the relay began,
It moved ever so slowly, but we cared a damn!
Lesser the pace, higher the base,
We had championed the art, were already an ace.
Suddenly a void enveloped my mind,
I was cramming for air every second in time,
There it was, in front of my eyes,
Reminding me of our last good byes!!!

RaGe

It was like talking to a known stranger,
A Deja-vu, i think.
The contrasting color blinded my wounded eye,
leaving me with a few pictures from the fictitious past.
The voice as calm as a still lake,
still creates a ripple of anger inside me,
swells like gigantic walls that submerge every bit of reason akin to me.
A murder is a murder after all,
No big deal about it.
To kill is only playing a fiddle to the creator.
Because an end is inevitable, of everything that exists.
And so it came to a permanent restive state,
changing my life, my uncontrollable fate.
Like a sledge hammer, it smashed my supple scalp,
sent my world into a tizzy, a hole full of crap!
Shit happens!
I know it too!
But when its red with blood, it scares the damn out of you!
There ain't no trial, not even any accused,
No value of blood that flowed so profuse.
Tether me somebody,
for i madly want to change.
Succumb to my new King,
my growing internal rage.
Has sanity lost all substance?
Then why is the world so insane?
Listen up-Gravity does exist,
It wasn't simply Newton’s stairway to fame.
Why is everyone masked?
Ashamed of their existence???
Courage is history, Loyalty-a dirty past.
The veiled in the contemporary world are omnipresent;
Betrayal and cowardice have won the crown at last.
Am i the only one who can see-that too through a bleeding eye?
Nothing available for appendage,
No one to tell me why...

guilty

Courage has many forms, sometimes subtle and sometimes loud. It takes as much courage to say I will as it takes to say I won’t. The courage to say I won’t and to deny the desire to act in a particular way could potentially create a conflict with your humane side in some but the guilt may be so deeply buried in the subconscious that it would surface only at a later time when you are most unprepared for it. This deep burial of guilt has found easy takers in today’s times since modern life has greatly redefined Maslow’s hierarchy and is now governed by laws of material self actualization which also happens to be at the bottom of the pyramid-if there is a pyramid anymore, that is.

Let me explain. If you were walking on the road , getting late for a meeting arranged in your office which would decide whether you’d get a promotion after three years of dedicated service to the organization, and you saw an old man, opposite your office, desperately needing help to cross the road, which could take five minutes and it could well mean bidding adieu to a faster car (may be your first car), a better place to live, a comfortable drive to office and other such superior comforts of life, which has no existence in your current life; would you still help the man cross the road?

Let us say you wouldn’t because someone else will. So you leave the old man on his own, completely ignore his plight like you never saw it and continue to walk to your office. You arrive in your office building and you realize the lift is not working and you will have to walk up twenty floors. Usain bolt isn’t exactly even distantly related to you and you therefore have far inferior genes for all athletic purposes. So you start walking up twenty floors. In fact, a quick glance at your watch and you start sprinting like a dog that bolts to the piece of bone it spots from a distance. On your way up, you realize while the stock market has risen by hundred percent in the last three years, your physical agility has dropped by double of that! By the time you are on the second floor you pause and bend your back for a quick breather. Realizing how you could be kicking your dreams away with that one extra breath, you start sprinting again. For the first time you notice that the walls along the stairs have some beautiful paintings hung on them. The color of the railing is black and it is done in aluminum. You also realize the floor color is a sparkling blue and the walls are gray. ‘Oh, do all these people work in my office?’, you wonder as you breeze through several strange faces and hit the seventh floor. Sweat is pouring from all pores that existed in your body when you started your ascent and from some that got created by the thrust of sweat trying to make its way out after the Roman period! You are now walking up slowly, one step at a time. You remove your coat, untie the knot of your neck tie and open the collar button. Oh, I almost forgot. You have already cussed the administrative head, the milk man who came to your place late today, your domestic help who haggled with you for a full five minutes to increase his pay by a huge sum of Rs.100 per month , your toaster for not knowing how much it should toast the bread slices even though you have been training the darned appliance for three years, the fridge for freezing the butter to Siberian temperatures, the pair of socks who found their way to the neighbour’s terrace, the house key for having hidden itself in the trousers you were wearing yesterday and had put to wash in a separate bin. You have cussed to your heart’s content, almost, when you suddenly realize your morning newspaper had more semi nude ladies than ever and it made you spend an extra ten minutes drooling over them. ‘Damn those journalists!’

Ninth floor. You can’t believe it. You do the bravest thing since the last five year plan came out five years ago- glance at your watch. Twenty minutes past ten. You are full fifteen minutes late already and you know you have lost the opportunity. You give up. You slowly walk up the rest of the distance and when you finally arrive on the twentieth floor, its thirty minutes past ten.

You sheepishly knock at the door of the conference room and open the door a little to give them a glimpse of your mighty self. Your boss looks at you and gives you a smile. He asks you to come in and take a seat. You greet everyone else in the room who are- your organization’s vice president, the CEO and the human resource head. ‘You are quite punctual’, says the VP. You begin to explain but your boss cuts you short, ‘He always is. He very highly respects other’s time, a great value in him which I love the most.’ You do not know where to look. You were being mocked at by your own boss! You get back to silent cussing. You bring to mind images of all those times when you had waited for your boss for hours together while he was either busy watching the final of the Twenty-Twenty tournament or discussing it with his best pal over the telephone.

“Can you start presenting?’, asks your boss.

‘Sure’, you say and rise from your chair. You connect the lap top to the projector and begin what you are best at- displaying to others what a bunch of others achieved under your ever so supportive self. You talk about the growth figures, year to date performance, make sales forecast and also roll out the media plan for the same. But you completely forget to mention all that you did during this period for which you were presenting. For instance, calling up the marketing team at the corporate office and enquiring when the media plan would be released, talking to your products team and asking them to give you the products that were going to be sent to your stores, talking to the visual merchandising team and asking them the docket number for your VM consignment, talking to the supply chain team to give you dispatch details and finally relaying this treasure of information to all your store managers, business associates and others concerned.

What a loss!

You always seem to suffer from this most terrible forgetfulness and have never been able to treat it in all these years. Poor you!

You receive a thunderous applause and smiles come your way straight from the top. Once settled in your seat, your boss informs you that he has a piece of news for you. You heart starts to race. Its beating faster and your fingers entangle under the table in a nervous clasp.

‘You have been promoted’, he says.

The disbelief leaves you speechless and you simply give your ever so infectious, placating smile to all. You shake hands that will go down in the history books for having lifted you and you have a fleeting sense of weakness about yourself. You dismiss the thought. You leave the room as your boss takes you to your new cabin.

‘Thank god I know your habit of being late. I had to cook a story once it was ten and I realized you were going to be late’.

‘Anyway, welcome to your new space.’

He turns to leave you alone. He takes a few steps towards the door, turns around and says, ‘that bottle of wine was really great. Would love to have another one!’

He smiles. You smile.

You are now staring at a glass walled office as big as the one bed room-hall-kitchen house you live in. There is also a mini telescope placed in your office at the right hand side corner of the glass wall behind your desk. You are gloating with pride. You walk towards the glass wall and fix a gaze at the world outside. You move towards the telescope and fix your left eye on the viewing glass. You make a few adjustments with the zoom and focus on the road beneath. You notice a huddle on the road along the Zebra crossing and move the lens for a more appealing view of the sky and its scrapers.

After spending the day in your new office calling everyone and letting them know of this new development, you leave at five p.m. Once back in the house you can’t wait to throw this space away and look for a place in the high rise you have always been dreaming of, opposite your office.

When you wake up the next morning with the thud of the newspaper on your floor, you feel the same as you do every morning. You open the door and pick up the news paper. Scratching your scalp and holding the paper in one hand, you turn the open end of the folded paper upside down and shake it to get rid of all the products ready to enter your mind space. You place the paper on the flush panel and splash water on your face. As you look into the mirror you realise you look dull. But then you realise you look the same everyday in the morning when you let this routine run its course.

You take the toilet seat and unfurl the newspaper. You go to page two straight away which carries city news and happens to be your favourite part of the newspaper.

‘Blind old man run over by a maverick driver outside XYZ Limited’.

Ramblings...

Moment of glory has a way of its own to enter human realization space. It often makes way in the culminating moments of actions, riding on horses or BMWs, depending upon which school of thought you come from and how many Clint Eastwood movies you have watched, driven by the dare-fluid ebbing in the scrotal sac. It comes rushing in, like a bullet or a flying arrow(s), again depending upon which school of thought you come from and how many Hindu Mythological epics you have watched, and has varying life spans.

Sometimes it lives a lifetime-the cocky man! And sometimes its evanescent - the humble man.

In the current Somalian struck days, for a beggar, this feeling can be engendered by his success at earning just one Rupee more than his average mean earnings for the day.

Hold on! Did I just say Somalian struck days?

Oh yes, I did! Have you evah heard of Somalia striking? You know, mmm… like you hear or read or breathe or fart or …woof…woof…USA striking!

Now, that’s what I call glorious!

Would that country, full of people who will never see me, never hear of me and would neither care a damn about it, if not for me, ever have had the good fortune of having the word ‘strike’ as its by standing neighbor in the milita…err…literary space?

Difficult!

Because by the time they come even close, after they have managed to kill most of their population from hunger and co and have brought the ratio of their population and the resources available in their country, to a healthy level, the rest of the world would be paying a whopping amount to the US of A for usage of this most solicited word, as the case would be and Nostradamus would agree, under the international patent law.

But I can bet that even Nostradamus’s calculations of the magical figure at which the patent can be won, which is derived from the number of times a nation / outfit/ group/ force/ etc (as innovative as a team can get) has, on merit, given the due honor of juxtaposing itself with the word in the form of sound or ink, would look like a spec in the air under the stellar performance of the Big Brother.

Irrespective of this futile delving-into, as our nuclear netas would protest, the power of this feeling is undeniably immaculate. You say you disagree! Well, I thought it was this very power that turned a normal human heel, which I thought is the same piece of bone fixed on most of the human bodies that I have seen, unless of course I have been imagining, into Achilles heel. Branding since the troy days you say, eh? Why just branding my dear friend? I say farting through the Troy days! Too long a fart to last, you say again? Hmmm…may be. But I can smell the stink brother!

We live in a modern world today. And if I were to ask you, ‘what is it that comes to your mind when you hear the word modern?’ most would say technology. Of course when I say most, I bring to speech pictures of strange looking robots living in the modern definition of parks (building for trees, swimming pools for lakes etc), who I have always imagined as having a wire at the rear end for the pre evolutionary tail, walking the streets, creating and breaking imaginary codes in the air.

Then there is another group, who would disagree with the above stated hypothesis. They would holler at the top of their voices, another entity that cannot be denied at least a mention, while talking about modern. This entity is slightly more evolved than a personal computer (in the way they look, I mean.). But it gets certainly more personal than its counterpart. It’s the modern woman, fellas! No prizes for guessing that. Come on. Don’t we see them E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E (dare you scratch out the loo or the top of the tree from that list!)? You dare not say ‘no’ if you aren’t one yourself for you might be convicted of supporting discrimination on grounds of jealousy or insensitivity or even a conspiracy.

Now, having successfully sacrificed a slice of my rear end at the altar of the fair end, I will continue talking about the other ubiquitous subject of consideration- the internet

For most part of my teenage and a good part of the subsequent pain-age, I always looked upon people surfing the internet as somewhat fishy. Believe it or not, but the first thing that would fly into my mind when I heard the term internet, was porn. And I strongly thought that everyone surfing the internet was doing so in order to watch porn. (Thank good heavens my father still doesn’t know how to use one!). Even now, in the second stage of pain-age, sometimes I still have that questioning look on my face when someone tells me that he was surfing the internet; especially if I he tells me so at 2:00 a.m. That raised left eye-brow look! And the desire to take a peek into the computer screens of others surfing the internet is irresistible. The joy of catching a friend chatting with ‘hot4u’ or ‘sizzlingbrownie’ and various such strangely named characters, is extraordinary. I agree that sometimes parents are harsh while naming their kids. For instance a guy called Dick should be protected and allowed by law to drag his parents to court when he realizes where his parents spent their creative energies. Look now how the torture pushes people to rechristen themselves with such luscious details about their good health! Tch Tch…

Coming back to the act of peeping into others’ computer, it is all about deriving comfort from knowing that you have company. We are but social animals, as is proved by a zillion members of the intelligentsia. And we seek company in whatever we do. Where do you think the concept of Orgy comes from? Exactly! See, you too can light a bulb even though your name looks nothing like Edison. You could be Muthuswami Krishnaswami Aiyangarswami Sivarman Venkat. But it is just about getting the right clue at the right time. Are you to blame for lack of ideas if you were born after everything was already invented? We should never worry about things that are not under our control. Like they say, keep doing your karma and never expect for results. Lack of ownership since the mythological days, I say!

We humans are a class apart. We know exactly how to safeguard our interests. And most of our interests lie in taking back life to the state of idleness.

and the Oscar goes to...

It’s a warm night with a thick cloud cover making it unbearably humid. The clock chimes ten in the distant tower that Oscar can see from his window. He stands there wearing only his bathing towel, wrapped around at the waist. His arms are stretched across the width of the window over his shoulders. The street lights are bright orange giving the road a surreal sunset feel. The smoke from the vehicles on the road is adding to the ugliness of the moment.

Just when he thinks it opportune to open a bottle of beer to beat the heat, his door bell rings.

“Comiiiing…”

He looks at the wall clock across the room on the opposite wall.

“Who has come visiting at 10:10 in the night?” he wonders.

“Ah! What a pleasant surprise Mahesh. I was just going to help myself to a bottle of beer. You would love to have one, at this most unpleasant moment. Won’t you?”

Mahesh enters without uttering a word and seats himself on the couch. He immediately jumps and walks up to the window where Oscar was standing a moment ago.

The house is very small with only a hall and a kitchen. The loo is to the left hand corner of the hall if you have just entered the house. And the kitchen has no door. It is like a triple sized closet sunk into the wall right opposite the entrance door.

Oscar goes into the kitchen and emerges with a bottle of beer and two mugs.

He slowly pours the beer into the mugs with perfect veteran’s comfort with the skill. After he is finished he lifts the mugs and walks up to Mahesh who is still standing at the window.

“Cheers my friend!” And he hands over one mug to Mahesh.

Mahesh turns, looks at Oscar for a second in the eye, takes the mug, raises it and nods his head with a raised eyebrow. He then starts looking out the window again.

Oscar walks up to a small, broken, wooden center table in the hall. He lifts his packet of cigarettes and lights one. The sound of the match scraping the strip of the match box fills the room and soon smoke follows suit.

“Would you like to have a fag?” he asks Mahesh.

Mahesh doesn’t reply. He just keeps looking out the window.

“What happened to you today? Why are you so unusually silent?”

Oscar walks up to the window and stands next to Mahesh. But he still doesn’t answer.

“Ok. Enough of dumb charades! It is getting irritating now. What happened? Did you see a ghost on your way or what?”

Mahesh turned slowly to face Oscar.

“But you don’t believe in ghosts. Do you?”

“Of course I don’t. But if you tell me that that is what it will take for you to talk tonight, I will. But only for tonight.”

Mahesh sits on the couch and keeps his mug on the center table.

“Now now now. I know that look on your face. It is veeeeery veeeery familiar. Please don’t tell me that you actually saw a ghost on your way here, yet another time. Just yesterday we spoke about this Mahesh and I told you in clear terms that if you ever tried to convince me on the existence of ghosts, I will simply switch off and never see you again”

Oscar takes a long drag after saying this and gently buffs the ash in the empty Kingfisher beer can he uses as ash tray. Mahesh still doesn’t speak and simply stares at Oscar.

“I can’t believe this! You have been here thirty minutes and you have only spoken eight words, out of which one word is ghost. Ridiculous! Don’t you think you are taking this ghost thing too far now?”

“Oscar, sometimes we see but we don’t see and sometimes we don’t see but we see.”

“Oh my god! Look at the philosopher talking. Sigh! At least it is better than your stupid apparitions. Go on!”

Oscar guzzles the remaining beer and rises to fetch himself another bottle. When he returns he realizes Mahesh has not eve touched his beer so far.

“What the heck man! Why aren’t you drinking? Are you alright?”

“Oscar, life is so cruel to people sometimes. Just when you think you are getting somewhere, everything changes. The entire map is re-drawn. You lose direction. The place you were going to is not there anymore. It’s in some other place. And you have to re-work from scratch!”

Oscar stubs the butt and lights another one immediately. He drinks his second mug half and wipes his lips with the skin on his arms.

“Mahesh I think you need to visit a doctor. You are getting sick by the moment. I can’t see you this way anymore. I guess I will take you to a psychiatrist.”

“I won’t need a doctor anymore Oscar.”

Just then Oscar’s mobile phone rings. The sound is traveling from the kitchen. Oscar gets up and walks to the kitchen to fetch the phone.

“Hey! Naina, How are you? And what makes you call ME so late? Your guy is sitting here with me and we are having some very interesting conversation.”

“Hello…hello…Naina? I can’t hear you clearly. Hello? Are you crying Naina?”

“Os-car, today Mahesh asked me to marry him. It was the most beautiful moment of my life. I was so happy. I said a yes and accepted his ring. He was so excited he wanted to go and give you the news himself. So he dropped me home quickly and rushed towards your house.”

“If I heard you correctly you said that Mahesh was coming to my house? I know of it because he is right here. But why do you have such a hurried and troubled tone?”

Oscar walks out of the kitchen but doesn’t find Mahesh sitting on the couch. He thinks he must have gone to the loo.

“Naina can you hear me? There is a lot of disturbance in the line?”

“No, I cannot hear you very clearly. But Oscar, I called to tell you that Mahesh is dead! He died… i..n a..n accident. On the way to your house… I just got a call from the police. They got my number from his dialed numbers log in the mobile. I am so s-h-a-t-t-e-r-e-d Osc…………………”

Oscar freezes! Everything stops.

The cigarette drops from his mouth just as his body does to the floor. The cell phone slides out of his hand on to the floor and he falls on his face.

“Hello…hello…Oscar…can you hear me? Oh shit! I was kidding Oscar. He is not dead. We were playing a prank on you. Mahesh is hiding in your loo… Hello…Oscar, are you there??? Hello…hello…”

Oscar lay dead on the floor!

29th Feb, 2008

It is such undiluted pleasure, to feel satisfied. And I realized its true value only today. Just when this term was losing its absolute existence in my life-book, it came knocking at my door step. Needless to say I welcomed it with open arms. And it flooded me, this sweet poison. I willingly drowned myself. I was overcome with this most divine feeling to such excess, that it is hard to express. I felt like Will Smith in the last scene of the movie, In Pursuit of Happiness. Even with hundreds of people around me on the road, as I walked to the restaurant to have dinner, I knew I was the one with a difference at that moment. And I knew I had made a difference to be knighted with it.

It felt as if I was being watched from somewhere far off. Some place where the entire universe is controlled from. All the spot lights were on me. And it was my turn at that moment to be bestowed upon with this most rewarding feeling. I bowed and embraced the honor.

I was suddenly scared I wouldn’t absorb every drop of it and the thought killed me. I couldn’t let it go; any of it. Especially when it came to me after one and a half years full. So I rushed to my apartment and sat in silence in the still of the night. I did not put on the fan and I put my mobile phone on silent mode. Because I wanted to hear it breathe inside me. With every breath I exhaled I thanked it for healing my soul. Nothing could have been better company in those moments.

What makes satisfaction so overwhelming is the mix of so many positive emotions- of joy, pride and relief, that it brings to us enveloped in one. It is this envelope that I wait for more than my pay cheque. And it’s rarity makes it even more desirable, almost obsessively. Its warmth will put me off to a beautiful sleep tonight. Of that I am sure.

And I guess now is the right time to allow myself to be lullabied. To feel it’s soft fingers ruffle my hair.

Peace, here I come.

Cleave on...

In the corporate world, everyday, there is a new erudite bunch of Adams that joins the elite group of unfortunate men who wish God gave them breasts. As for some, their well fed upbringing at least gets them wishfully closer to this yearning; of course with some natural and hideous disorders of… ummm…you know…those…err… follicle like things and all.

But just imagine; how much simpler it would have been if both the genders were endowed with this most fascinating part of human flesh which has enslaved the creatures from Mars to its charm; to as far as time can take us back. Even from a utilitarian perspective, men would have been able to share the burden of breast feeding. Women would have come inches closer in their eternal pursuit for equality; also in terms of seeking pleasure. And above all, we would have made way for some sort of Meritocracy which seems to largely live in the Indian corporate graveyard with its tombstone reading: I never existed.

Women’s sexuality has always been a man’s grave. And there is none but the man to blame.

So all those daggers waiting to slice my neck may please go back inside their sheaths. Because neither am I questioning a woman’s ability to excel at work. I would be foolish to do that. Nor am I taking away anything from women who have climbed the corporate ladder after toiling hard, much to their merit.

But if truth be told, the plunging neck line seems to be hitting the career graphs of many a men under the belt. I would map it on a 3 dimensional graph: Lower the neck line- higher the learning curve- deeper the grave.

I pity these victims who are falling prey to the booby-trap. It’s not funny, how so many times the company of a full fledged, flesh and blood male next to a man doesn’t even stir the air between the two. But the tap of a pair of stilettos, twenty feet away, turns the air so benign as to move even the inner most nostril hair of our gentlemen to come out and take a peek.

If one saw a few men staring into their excel sheets at work place, they would immediately know that the only thing that turns those men on, is that virtual page in front of them. But even these men don’t seem to mind a version 36.26.

Truly speaking it is getting amusing at work place now; how much that little peek into the valley of desire, which all men crave for, can change. I absolutely conform to the view that it is wonderful to have a beautiful co-worker from the opposite sex. It is the best incentive to offer to a man. It is far more motivating albeit it may be little rewarding. Because men also tend to completely redefine their area of expertise and focus in beautiful company.

But they suddenly do not mind the late hours or the early morning meetings. In fact they don’t even mind forgetting the concept of a week end which otherwise is the single motivating factor for them to see through the 5 eternally long weekdays.

Now all would agree that most of the times companies take the services of ladies for tele calling. Be it banks, financial firms or marketing biggies, they all employ the same tact. Why would they do so if it did not make a difference? It is a natural reaction for most men to keep the line running if it is Ritu on the other end. But if it is Rakesh, he has had it! Even the otherwise quite chap tends to hurl a few abuses at our poor friend.

I was speaking to a friend recently and he told me that the difference between the sale figures of all the men put together vis-a-vis all the women in his organization reflected this glaring reality; much to the anguish of our men. This was simply because men in this organization could not fetch as many appointments with clients over the phone as their beautiful eves.

But the law of change applies to the law of motivation as well. And someday, we shall overcome…

As for women: Enjoy it while you get it!

P.S. the content in this article holds no intention to offend anyone.

Phone call...

The mobile rang again and I picked it up after letting it ring for a few seconds.

“Hallo”

“Hey dude…you home yet?”

“Ya man, just came out of a shower.”

“Guess who I spoke to just now?”

“Well….p.p.p.p.p.p.p.pata nahin…”

“Preeti man…”

“Oh…good man…”

“Yeah man…spoke for half an hour dude…”

“Wow, that’s neat!”

“And guess what…she didn’t even hang up on me!”

“Now then… someone is going places…I hope you didn’t make her cry?”

“No dude, I didn’t…we not in the same town na…he he…but she said she is very lonely ever since I left…and cursed me for not being in touch…”

“Oh! How little she knows you bro. I am sure she wouldn’t have said anything even close to what she said if she knew you well enough…especially the ‘keeping in touch’ bit…”

“He he…you know me so well man…”

Before I proceed I must tell you that it is always a great moment in the life of my friend if he manages to speak to a girl for that long without the girl hanging up on him. Our friend has devised a simple, easy to execute and wallet friendly strategy to hook up with women. He doesn’t indulge in any of the regular practices of complimenting the woman of his desire or taking her out for dinner or getting gifts for her and the works. He would first simply make her cry by either mocking her lesser intelligence (as our man believes every woman is born with) or by making a nasty remark at her being so “girly”.

Well, as we can see my friend doesn’t quite understand the obvious fact that a girl WILL act ‘girly’. Nonetheless, let me not deviate. So, once he is convinced that he has hurt the girl enough he would then ask her out for coffee to make up for what he had said and done. Most of the times women have agreed to go out with him, for our man does, by the stroke of rigged fortune, although a sheer waste, have the sweet charm that endears women. However, it would be worthy to note that they have often returned feeling more terrible than before.

“I have had seven…errrr…eight drinks man…”

“Hmmm…”

“Okay…I agree I had just four”

“Or is it just two dude?”

“He he…you swine…”

“He he he…”

As is with most men, the number of drinks our man can have somehow seems to be symbolic of his sperm count- higher the capacity for alcohol higher the count. And after he finds himself in high spirits, he almost immediately also finds himself making telephone calls to, as he calls them in a more generous mood, “women from past”- which is an extremely polite reference to the women our friend has either shared intimate moments with or has had a desire to do so with. It is like a standard operating procedure (SOP-are MBAs listening???) after an alcohol bath. Ask him the next day what he spoke about and he would probably ask you back what your plans for the day are. And don’t even make the mistake of asking the woman in the context about it, for you might reap what your friend sowed the previous night.

“But it really felt good talking to her dude…I immediately went and …well…gave myself a release after the conversation”

“Ha ha ha…dude…you are so crazy man…I know what felt nice!”

“No man, serious. It felt really good talking to her”

“What did you talk about?”

“Dude, how was your day man?” (See, I had told ya!)

“well…the usual…quite dry…nothing as juicy as yours”

“Fucker…this is juicy you think. Saala the curse of being lonely…a girl is required dude”

Our dude here has an impeccably roving eye for engaged/not-available women. With cent percent success rate he carefully yet unknowingly selects a girl who is already taken and then curses his fate for having tricked him - yet again!

“He he…yeah…so hows Ralph?”

“He he…he is in the same boat…fed up of his job…wants to quit”

“Hmmm…was he not preparing for GMAT?”

“No dude…that was all bull shit!”

“He he…hmmm…”

“Dude I am so surprised about Aniket…how did he sacrifice everything to go back home man?”

“Well…how do you know it’s a sacrifice?”

“Dude…he has lived away from home for twelve years man…that too in a place like Bangalore”

“So? That does not necessarily mean he made a sacrifice. May be he wanted to go back. How do you know that is not what he wanted?”

“I feel like it is a forced choice…”

There is another interesting fact worth mentioning about our man. He thinks he can read minds. He is almost convinced about the reason for someone else’s decisions even when the decision has not been made. He also believes in sharing this information, as if it was from the horse’s mouth, with as many people as possible. After all, sharing is caring!

So the moment someone known to our man does make a decision, he has to only wait for an hour before some Tom, Dick or Harry tells him how he heard about the reason for his decision and feels extremely sorry for him.

“So hows is hemant?”

“Dude I didn’t tell you about it man…”

“What happened???”

“He was going through a pretty tough time in his personal life…So they called it off and now our man has taken it upon himself as his moral responsibility to get her married to someone else…”

“What???”

“He he…yeah man…thoda filmy ho gaya…”

“He he…thoda???”

“Yeah dude… but good such responsibility never came upon you man…your ex went and got married herself…he he”

“Ha ha…yeah dude…she knows how I hate responsibilities…”

“Ha ha…so have you heard from her?”

“Nope! Not in over four months now. I didn’t give her my new number.”

“Do you think about her?”

Another thing worth mentioning about our man is his yet another impeccable knack of asking the wrong questions at the most unexpected times.

“Well… not really…not at all. Sometimes she occurs to me and I wonder if she is doing fine. But that’s about it. I dismiss the thought at that point…”

“Hmmm…it would be so weird meeting them again man…”

“ya dude…just imagine this. You are going up the elevator in a mall and there she comes, stands next to you on the same step with her guy…”

“Screw you dude…that is scary man…shit! Don’t scare me like this man…”

“He he…no dude… I have often thought about such awkward situations…just imagine this happening to you dude”

“Holy crap! Its even worse for you because you are alone …this is why I say you must always have dummy girls to roam around with…that too real good looking ones you know…”

“Ha ha…ya dude… ha ha ha…”

“It is going to be so weird man if this sort of a thing ever happens…”

“Dude a woman never loses her sense of right over her men from past. No matter how long the break-up…they will still feel jealous at the sight of their ex with another girl”

“Hmmm… words of wisdom…guess its time to crash…”

“Alright dude…good night!”

beep-beep-beep-beep.